I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize