Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
