What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
