those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
