I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just invented taco cereal.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
