dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
