is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Oh god it's open bar.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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