# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
