I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
