Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
