Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We have started to decorate penises.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
