and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I could fuck to npr.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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