I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
