my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
