I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
