So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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