remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize