moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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