It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
