Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
