What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
