hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
