Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
