Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
how drunk are you?
Several
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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