this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
