me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
