A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Floor bacon is actually really good
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
