I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
