I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
