so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
