I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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