I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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