Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
