i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
