I'm gonna have a badass scar
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
