i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
