Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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