He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
