She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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