If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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