There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize