dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
