It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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