my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
