Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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