How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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