I wanna passion pit in your ass
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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