the condom got lost in my hair
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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