he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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