What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
