Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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