when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You are the jesus of drinking
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
