wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
