Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
