I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He shit in the fireplace
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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