Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
