your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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