hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
