i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
