I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
