Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
