you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
