i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
