We're like a lot better than the average bears
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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