did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
