New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
