whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize