This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
